A History of Lies

The most important thing about falling off is getting back on.

I've been away from this for a little over two weeks now, and my workout routine has slipped, and slipped, and slipped. This has a lot to do with the fact that I'm now a WSE (Wireless Sales EXPERT) for Wireless Advocates in Lewsiville. Today was my second shift, with Wednesday (Aug.13) marking my first. It's been a lot of fun so far and I'm really enjoying it, but I need to ensure that even as this is going on and school starts next week I manage to find time to get back into working out.

I could say, "Oh God I don't have time!" but that wouldn't be fair. I still devote several hours a day to Warcraft III and various 360 games (including RockBand) and that time could easily be scalped over to workout time, I'll make sure that happens starting tomorrow night. I'm also going to try and make sure I get some kind of stretch/burst workout when I first wake up before getting ready for work. I really really want to make sure I keep fitting into my 32/31s.

There's a lot more to say but I really don't have the drive to say it right now. Making money again feels really good, though I won't be seeing a check until the 10th of next month it's bound to be a pretty epic check and I'm really excited about that. I want to make sure I hit my point achievement for sales before then to tack on the $200 extra. We shall see, I'm running a pretty loaded schedule this week (6 days) since I'm certain I won't be able to push those kinds of hours once classes begin.

Speaking of which, I desperately need to go in and try to get my lost credits from CCCC approved, I need to fix this credit card issue that capital one f'd up royally, and I need to do laundry. Seriously. Mountains of dirty clothes.

- Alexander

Today was a waste.
My life is a mess.
- 3sandag
- push ups
- sit ups

Ate like crap. Drank like crap. Feel like crap.

- Alexander

“Welcome to the library Mr. Firestride, is there anything I can assist you with today?” Melorya’s voice was like a chime to all who entered the Arcanist Library, her brilliant blue eyes and well kept long dark hair that extended down to her mid-back accentuated the royal purple robes draped across her slender form.

As she chirped her cheerful greeting she held up her right hand, clasping a crystalline orb that emitted a thin veil of magical mist into the air, as the mist dissipated it formed small shapes and seemed to almost imitate its surroundings. The orb was something of a guide, or rather a guide’s assistant to the bouncy half elf who stood before him.

He held up his gloved hand to cut her off before she could begin the core of her ‘welcome to the library!’ speech and spoke in a soft and caring tone so as to not hurt her feelings.

“Nothing today Melorya, I’m just here to see master Matthias and pick up a few new scrolls for my studies.” He could tell by her look of dismay at not being needed that despite his kind tone and carefully chosen words he had upset her slightly. He let loose a mental sigh and let a sheepish smile spread across his face. “Well, now that you mention it, you wouldn’t happen to know where the good master is now, would you?”

Her disposition shifted before he could even finish his sentence, and she thrust her left arm into the air and proclaimed loudly, “Yes! Yes I do, Mr. Firestride! Would you like me to show you where he is? With the assistance of Glaea I can show you anything anywhere in the library in no time at all!” She erupted into a short fit of laughter and elation, clasping both hands around Glaea now and grinning widely at him.

This is too much, why has the academy seen fit to hire such an…odd, woman, as their front librarian? He cut his thoughts short and thought it best to simply defuse her enthusiasm as quickly as possible, lowering his hand he simply nodded his head, “That would be fantastic Melorya, and if we could do so with some haste, I’ve quite a lot to take care of today.”

“Ab-so-lutely! Mr. Firestride!” She continued her series of exaggerated gestures and elevated tones onward as she closed her eyes and began to focus in on Glaea.

It was embarrassing to him mostly because he felt badly for her, but also because they had now drawn considerable attention from the numerous other visitors standing around. Libraries were after all intended to be places of quiet study, someone clearly forgot this when hiring Melorya, or perhaps they simply had her other…attributes, in mind.

Just as the awkward glances and inquisitive stares were about to become far too much for him to tolerate any longer she spoke once more, this time in a low and hushed tone, a sense of tension from the magical focus she was pouring into the orb. “He is…nearby…” She lowered her entire form, bending at the knees so that her robe began to cover the floor loosely around her, placing Glaea on the ground, and looked up to the ceiling with her eyes still sealed shut, “He is…”

“He is right here. And that’s quite enough Melorya, you’ve better ways to expend your energies than scrying into that silly orb for patrons who would be much better off simply wandering the library in search of what they seek.” Matthias placed a hand onto her shoulder and guided her up from her crouched position, while he was smiling his eyes seemed to reflect a sense of sterness that Melorya picked up on immediately.

“Ah…yes, master Matthias, I’ll just be on…my way then!” She bowed quickly before the two gentlemen before briskly walking to an obscure corner of the library, no doubt to wait until they had vacated the front entrance long enough to allow her to return and greet yet another unsuspecting guest.

The two watched her pace away before turning to greet one another, and after a short handshake they began to make their way back towards the private study.

“It is good to see you today, Zeikal. You’ve been so reclusive in your studies lately I’d began to wonder if I even had a student left to speak of!”

Zeikal laughed and nodded his head slowly, the shoulder length pony tailed hair wavering from side to side looked much like a dancing flame on his shoulders. The brilliant red hair was a distinguishing characteristic of the Firestride family, and their affinity for the flame preceeded their reputation almost everywhere they went. “My apologies, master. It’s just that the deciphering of the scroll is taking me much longer than I had anticipated but every time I set it down it seems to call me back. I dare say it’s become something of an obsession for me.”

They entered the study and Matthias shut the door firmly behind them and waited for Zeikal to be seated before taking a seat in a chair directly across from his pupil. The study was almost quite literally alive with magic, each object permeated its own magical essence into the air and anything from pens to books and desks seemed alive with magical energy. This was not uncommon or surprising as it was the study of one of the world’s most successful and powerful wizards, but the sheer energy of the place made even a prodigy like Zeikal feel goosebumps across his skin as his own essence clashed and merged with the energies around him.

“Zeikal, that scroll is of a completely unidentified origin and several other accomplished students of our academy have tried just as you have to understand its meaning to no avail. For all we know it could have no true meaning whatsoever.” He paused to make a simple gesture with his hand that brought a glass of wine from the table across the room to his fingers and took a long, drawn out drink before speaking again. Zeikal had never understood his masters infatuation with alcohol, even in moderation the drink seemed more like poison than anything to him. “It isn’t unheard of for scrolls to be written in non-languages or with the intention of merely confusing those who find them into a frustrating obsession. Much like the one you seem to face now.”

Zeikal felt a surge of anger well up inside of him, he wasn’t obsessed in an unhealthy way. He had genuine reasons to believe this scroll meant something very important and he would prove to the rest of the academy that only he could uncover its meaning and whatever powers that lay within it. The last thing he wanted was to be viewed by anyone, especially his master, as chasing dead ends. Despite this anger he controlled himself and spoke respectfully, “Master, I’ve many reasons to believe this scroll is much more than a simple diversion or parlor trick to confuse us. And I am getting closer to fully understanding it, it’s just a matter of time I assure you.”

There was another uneasy silence between the two men as Matthias took another long drink from his glass before gesturing it away to the distant table from which it came. “Zeikal. You are a brilliant young man, nobody would doubt that. Especially not myself, that is why I chose you as my most devoted pupil. However I cannot see this ending well for you or your studies. It would put my mind at ease if you would perhaps reach a compromise with me on this matter?”

He offered no verbal reply, but clasped his hands together in his lap and leaned forward slightly and gave his master a nod to let him know he had his full attention.

“If you cannot uncover the meaning of the scroll in the next two days, I would like you to return it to me here personally and forget all about it as best you can. After that you should dive headlong into new and more worthwhile studies as you had in your previous months of training here at the academy. Your knowledge and abilities are exceptional but you are still very young and have much to learn, your time is your most --”

Zeikal lifted his hand again to interrupt what he knew would be another long and unnecessary speech. Just like Melorya, now even my master wishes to waste my time. How can you not understand? I am a prodigy! I am no ordinary wizard and no ordinary man, and if I feel this is no ordinary scroll then surely you can trust in me more than this! He could feel his temper flaring stronger now and knew that if he stayed any longer he would regret it.

“Yes, master. I understand, two more days and I will have the scroll back to you. Either with its meaning fully explained or in its case with no intention to think of it ever again. Now if I may be excused, I have much work to do.”

Matthias gave a heavy nod, his face made it clear that he was unhappy and very concerned with his pupil’s rash and hurried behavior. Zeikal was known for having a fiery temper, another characteristic of his family heritage, but it had never been displayed so boldly before Matthias. The two were like family.

As Zeikal swung the door open and exited the study, the world around him seemed to slowly fade into some obscure background, every person who passed him by seemed nothing more than a translucent shape on the canvas of a painting for which he had no interest. The only thing he could think of were the few lines of the scroll he had deciphered.

The world is now at rest,
But soon a tempest will rock its sleep,
And the laws of the living,
Shall be undone.
Speak now the following words aloud,
And hold true power in the new age.

-End-

Note: I've been really brainstorming ways to flesh out the history for my characters, as I've said before. This entry takes Zeikal back several years to when he was still studying at the academy in the city of Auroraia. One of the things I've been trying very hard to figure out for this character is exactly where and how he comes into contact with Vecna, and what sort of turns him from a rambunctious do-gooder prodigy of magical arts into a servant of one of the most reviled evil gods in the world. It finally came down to the good old reliable "fall of pride" theme that I felt really fit the characters pre-evil personality. This bit also introduces two other characters that I may (or may not) use at a future point in the storytelling aspect, but if nothing else putting brief personalities and names to distantly related characters of a main character certainly makes their place in the world feel much more solidified.

- Alexander

Today was a f a i l u r e. Why is that? Because I copped out and ate a horrible 1,200 calorie meal at Wendy's for lunch. I really shouldn't have, but eating healthy is expensive and honestly I'd hit every viable health joint in the area at least 15 times in the past month and I was sick to death of it. So while I am definitely under 2,000 calories for the day, 1,200 of anything I consumed was definitely useless and bad for my health. Not to mention it violated one of my golden rules about not eating fried food.

That said, I did manage a decent amount of exercise today. Sandbag sets were done, a lot of push ups and sit ups, and I ran a mile out at the track and rode my bike for roughly an hour. The running was in place of DDR today because my knees are still feeling a little roughed up and I think I need to remove all solid high impact workouts from my routine for a while until they have a better chance to heal.

It should be noted that while lunch was unhealthy, I dropped sweet tea for the day in order to make up for it. While I have never actually measured my caloric intake of sweet tea/day, I'm sure it's easily in the neighborhood of 500-700 calories worth just because of all the sugar. So while I still definitely consider it a stupid mistake that I won't be making again, I did work as hard as I could to rectify it. That said, the final day for the month of July was a screw job. ;(

- Alexander

Today was pretty basic, completed each of my goals and used extra sit ups / push ups for the bonus workout, my knees are still giving me some problems so I'm doing everything I can to lay off of them as much as possible. Didn't eat much and I'm kind of regretting that now but it'll be fine come morning. Oatmeal, bagel, and a ham/turkey sandwich from Subway comprised my food intake for the day.

On a side note, I looked at some old photos on a CD I found today, it was probably a bad idea.

Weighed in at an even 170 today, so I know what I'm working with now. There's still a lot on my mind, and between my heart problems and the knee pain I'm having to ease off a lot more than I'd like to, but so long as I keep the eating habits healthy and hit the goals I've set for myself each day I'll be fine.

I really unloaded some solid time into Rock Band today on my own, and finished all but 3 songs on Expert (for the basic tour). Sadly I failed out 80% in on both Highway Star and Green Grass/High Tides. I'm going to try pulling the solos off with the actual solo portion of the guitar and see what happens tomorrow, for now though my fingers are still sore, lol.

As for the creative writing assignment for today, a lot more brainstorming has gone in to some of the more distant characters for my campaign, and I got some really cool ideas for background stories and character traits from a few discussions today. ^^ I've written up a lot of this as a rough draft, and will post something for it tomorrow.

- Alexander

The candle burns brightly on the wooden table between us, wax slowly pouring down its sides into the steel base on which it rests. Across my mind dance hundreds of analogies and poetic verses I could speak to her, comparing our love to the passion of the flame dancing before both our dimly lit faces. On my lips I feel these words screaming to take form, but my heart holds them back with a firm grip, unrelenting. It knows something is amiss.

The windows of her soul peer at me feigning their past love and affections, attempting through some subtle maneuver to trick me into believing that her emotions are as pure as the snow that fell upon her elegant brunette locks the afternoon we met. Such is life and such is love, my dearest. However suspicious she may be there is no way she could know the truth. How could she? The love of her life, her husband, the father of her two precious and irreplaceable children.

Her two missing children.

Things weren't always this way, her eyes never used to look at me for anything else than to praise and love me. This onset of doubt, shrouded in contempt and perhaps even topped off with a dose of loathing is certainly a more recent development. We spent many summers together out in the woods just beyond the town walls, each day shortly after sunrise she would wake me to the smell of her favorite perfume. Our favorite perfume, rather. And shortly after we would find ourselves next to lake Clearbreeze, laughing and eating fresh fruit from the market. Family wealth afforded us the luxury of a lifestyle free from the confines of harsh labor or worrisome job hunting.

If only I had been honest. If only she had known the origins of such wealth. It was nothing to keep from her exclusively, my fellow townsmen would most assuredly find it disagreeable that one among their most noble ranks would be someone as...well, off the accepted path of society as I am perceived to be. Alas, she will know soon enough, as will they all. This parlor trick of a life can only endure for so long. The facade of vibrant laughter, the illusion of lush green fields, tall trees and perfect sunsets is doomed to shatter and disintegrate soon. Very soon.

For now though my love cast aside those accusing eyes and show me once more the loving gaze you used to shower me in for hours upon end. The glorious green orbs and their magnificent meaning. The silence between us has gone on too long, so much has gone unsaid, and I have far too much to share with you, my love.

I stand, and she recoils. Instantly she attempts to hide her shock, her fear, perhaps her suspicions run much deeper than I had foreseen. Could this be part of your plan, master? Is she meant to follow us so soon, as were the children? Come to me dear, if he has a greater purpose for you then even our love cannot bend his will. A thousand summer sunsets could be forgotten, baskets of fruit and bread tainted with rot, the purest of intentions spoiled by the very whisper of his breath.

But oh how I do love you, and that is why I do this. As we are together now we must be together under his watchful eye for eternity, his powerful stare and your magnificent emerald gaze together embolden me to perform feats of greatness no mere man should ever think possible. For you, my dear, I'd do anything. Now come closer...

Why is it you run? The candle is fallen, you'll set the house ablaze, love! Be still, be still and let me open all the locked doors of our marriage and thrust upon you the greatest truths you will ever know! I will show you such unimaginable things, if only I had your eyes dear, give me your eyes!

...a knock at the door. The screams perhaps have roused attention. Suspicion has moved on like a spirit, possessing another familiar face who now comes to question my very existence. Oh master let them question me no more, let the time be now to unleash your might before them so they may bow as I have groveled at your feet and become that which I am today! But it is not now...it is not yet, our time...

I stand. She does not recoil. She does not even make a sound. And to the door I walk slowly, gathering the fallen candle as I go, its magic flame pristine and only a spot of wax upon the hard wooden floor to ever mark its fall. The door creaks open and my eyes adjust.

Her suspicion is gone...

-End-

Note: This story is about a character named Zeikal. He is one of many characters I'm currently designing for a story/D&D campaign I plan to run sometime in August, I hope. If nothing else the world-building and character creation components of D&D lend themselves to a lot of really cool concepts for creative writing, and it gives me a fun structure and extra-use option for my daily writing.

Without spoiling too much for those who will be playing in my campaign, the story basically reflects events that occur before the players begin their role in the world. Zeikal is a well educated nobleman who lives within the village of Brazal, and serves as a sort of councilman or representative of the people to the local the government. His family owns a very wealthy estate and reside in a nearby major city, but he himself fell in love with his wife Avwyn and the two moved out to a more rural location to be together.

I'm not 100% clear on how I want to explain it, and I do intend to do more background building for this character, but he is for all intents and purposes my central hook to introduce Vecna into the storyline. Somewhere along the way Zeikal is either possessed, or otherwise influenced by the god of undeath to slowly begin the construction of what will essentially be the first of many uprisings against the living. Beyond this I haven't given it too much thought, it's a great basis for a plot hook but I really want to make sure my characters have more substance than simple one-line introductions and brief descriptions as well as simple motivations such as "He wants everything to die. Haha."

That's where these sort of fillers come in really handy. While this isn't necessarily a character profile or a biography of any kind, it is essentially a first person narrative from the character, describing the night where he *spoilers* mutilates his wife and subjects her to Vecna's unholy will *spoilers* . As it is suggested in the one liner above, his children are also 'missing'. I really like this character and want to make him something more, for now this is all I've got to blab about in regards to the character.

I realize the writing is still on a "darker" tone, but please take to heart the fact that this character at this particular time at least is in the fullest swing of his descent into being a wretched servant of an evil god. I really want to follow this up with another background-ish writing that might shed more light on who he was before this happened, or perhaps how he first came into contact with the corrupting force of his life. Everyone loves the fallen hero, right?

- Alexander

Today was a regular day, completed each of my workout goals, ate healthy and small portions. Pizza for dinner was a bit of stretch but I didn't have any kind of hideous topping and only ate four slices. These are "Pizza Mia" slices, mind you, so they're pretty tiny to begin with. Aside from that my typical Chic-Fil-A lunch was the only other food I consumed. Jump rope as my bonus workout proved to be a little rough on my knees, which despite my weight loss are taking a bit of a pounding from the constant high-impact workouts I do. I'll probably try and make sure I have time each night from now on for bike riding instead.

All goals complete, 100%~

Oh, I forgot to weigh in today. It being Tuesday and the start of my regimen, it was supposed to be the "initial weight" that I'd be checking in every subsequent Tuesday. I'll just take it tomorrow morning first thing and we'll go from there.

- Alexander

*DISCLAIMER: This update is going to be nothing but workout mumbo-jumbo and lots of overdone explanations about my new plan and why I'm doing what. I know some people really don't care to read all of that, so this is for you! Stop reading here. Wait for a later entry. <3*

*DOUBLE DISCLAIMER: It's been roughly 20 iTunes 'updates' since I've actually noticed anything different about my iTunes. Hm...*

So the time has come for round three (fight!) of my workout agenda. Round one ended in thrilling success, round two was much more brutal, and ultimately along with several rough events in my life broke my spirit while oddly still having me achieve my goal even though I threw in the towel. Funny that.

The progress thus far has been more than I could have ever really hoped for. One of my long term goals was to fit reasonably back into my 30/30 jeans from 2005, and while they're still not an optimal fit, they definitely are wearable now, and withing another 2-4 pounds will be as comfortable as the 34/30 I was wearing a month ago at a snug fit. Additionally, I have to tighten both my belts by an additional 2-3 notches in order to keep my jeans and shorts on now, it's much easier to move, every part of my body feels lighter and immensely stronger. The results are not just limited to the scale, they are everywhere and they are amazing.

That's why I find it important to pick it back up again, for the past week or so since I gave in on round two I've been keeping my habits healthy and working out a bit here and there, but there hasn't been any formal regimen in place. I've still been losing weight and seeing results, but a lot of that is probably residual from the extreme amount of work I had been putting myself through before, and the lack of set schedule was beginning to clearly show as some days my work was either far too light or very scattered and unfocused. I can't have that.

At this point I feel that I have most likely achieved as much of the initial burst impact weight loss I'm going to see. Any further attempt to just push down the number from here on out would put me back in the overworked, beaten down state I experienced towards the middle of round two, and that doesn't seem like something I should do to promote genuine health. So when approaching this third attack, I'm going to change the way a few of the basic ideas of my workouts operate and make some changes and place emphasis in a few new ways that will hopefully keep the results rolling in, while factoring in that physically I am in such a completely different place than I was 4 weeks ago that it isn't even funny.

So, what's going to be different? That calls for formatting!

*************
***Round 3***
*************

The Changes!
- Weight will only be taken once a week, on Tuesday mornings post-DDR in order to maximize accuracy and keep in format with prior weight measurements. I'm no longer centered as heavily around rapid weight burn and it's clear that my body is going to simply stop burning off the weight like it did when I had a large abundance of extra fat to burn. Due to this, I'm not going to be taking daily weight calculations in. I also don't feel I need the constant numerical reminder to keep myself focused, writing in my LJ is more than enough, and I've developed the genuine habit and desire to keep myself as active as I possibly can every day. This doesn't mean I'm not planning to lose weight, but now that I've hit 170-171 (weight still fluctuating) I'm only 2-3 lbs from my lowest measured weight, and while I would be thrilled to see 160 become a reality some day, I'm certain that kind of weight loss would occur at 1lb/week at the best.

- The workload is going to be lightened. This is because I feel it's genuinely better that I work hard seven days of the week and stay energized and alert rather than working insanely hard for six days, burning out, and becoming a soulless zombie for the remainder of the workout period until I crack and break down. (see Round 2) Also, much of what I have read recently indicates that burst workouts and shorter-term exercises at higher intensity yield much better results. Previously I took this advice to heart, without cutting down on the durations of the workouts. I'm going to knock back some time on each, and sets, in order to ensure that I can truck through it for 14 solid days.

- Sweet tea will be allowed. Vice is good, and so is tea. Letting myself have one 'slip' proves that I'm in control and that the results are being obtained via a healthy lifestyle, not some rigid insane diet plan that has me so depleted of bodily resources that I'm withering away into nothing. (this is also evident by the fact that the first time I weighed in at 170 was after having a huge steak dinner with a few LITs, shocking)

- The primary objective is still weight loss, however there are now two primary objectives. How does that work? Because it's my plan and I can have two primaries all I want. Two number ones. Deal. The second primary objective is improvement. By this I mean that nothing I am going to do is simply for the sake of doing it, everything will have a purpose and some way in which it improves me as a human being other than simply giving me one amazing beach body for all the hunnies to go "ooh la la look at that ohmigod". I wish that would happen. Seriously. Please? - anyway. Basically each aspect of my workout is going to be done not only for its health benefit, but on the premise that it develops a particular skill or aids in some other way of making me a more capable person. I don't simply want to look good, I want to exceed at everything I do, and that means improving coordination, speed, endurance, strength, ability, adaptability, etc, the list goes on forever. I want to start finding new exercises and activities that will continue to provide a tremendous health boost while also honing powerful skill sets for myself. Fortunately for me much of what I'm already doing fills this role. I just want more. ;)

That does it for the changes, now for the long technical blah blah blah. If you're not into this stuff quit reading! Seriously, I'm not offended. I understand. I write this mostly because it helps get me pumped up to do it, you can close the page. The X is right there. Do you really care about how many reps I'm going to do hoisting a 50 lb sandbag to my chest while sweat drips all over me? Do you? That's impressive. I'm honored. And a little creeped out. Continue reading. Weirdo. <3

*****************
***The Routine***
*****************

15 Minutes of DDR
Yes, the first thing that stands out here is that the time has been sliced in half. This is the required amount of time only - I will most likely do more on days I feel I have the energy, but I don't want to end up sludging my way through the last half of the typical 30 minute workout while I still have so much more to do during the day. DDR is my wakeup exercise, and it's a great way to get everything pumped, stretched, active, and get my metabolism off its ass in the morning. However, DDR is a series of short, high energy, burst workouts that really fit a 15 minute exercise perfectly. I feel cutting the time in half and upping the intensity by sticking to much more challenging music and powering through the shorter song list will help increase my gains from the workout overall. As far as skill building, DDR has always been a tremendous workout for coordination, and the more I try to improvise dance moves and just let myself go free while smashing the arrows the more tricks, spins, jumps, and other flashy (and silly) moves I figure out for myself. This kind of coordination and body control is something I think is well worth working on and as good as I am at DDR, there's still a lot more to acquire before I could truly call myself a master of the game.

3 Rounds of Sandbag
Sandbag II is born! I repaired him several days ago, and have been using him most every day since. I cut the rounds back down to three (from five) and feel it's perfect again. Five rounds, while doable, really knocks the wind out of me and over a period of 3-4 days it becomes unmanageable. Perhaps in later weeks when my core strengthens I can increase to four rounds per day, but for now (and staying true to less work for more consistency) I'm going to set it back to three in hopes that I can consecutively manage the full required workout for all 14 of the days. The sandbag needs little explaining in terms of benefits, mostly because I've talked the subject to death here. No amount of weight lifting, gym or free weights, or anything else I've ever done, has yielded the same results in terms of muscle gain and total body strength gain that the bag has. I see no reason to ever stop doing this exercise, as the growth potential of it seems unlimited.

One of Three, or Just Whatever
This is my wild card workout. I leave it open because I want some form of variety in my required workout every day and I really like quite a few things right now. I call it one of three because of all the things I can think of to do, three things really jump out at me in terms of great additional exercises. Jump rope and sprinting both fall under the same burst category and provide much of the same benefit, and tacking on an additional 10 minutes of either is a great boost. The third option is bicycle riding for anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour. The bike time is dramatically higher because I'd honestly probably never ride my bike any less than that to begin with at night, my recent rides have all gone well over an hour easily just from the sheer enjoyment of traveling around the city, through parking lots, or down dark trails. The intensity isn't as high since I'm not constantly peddling at maximum speed, but it does keep my heart rate elevated consistently and works my legs and lung capacity sufficiently the whole way through. Just whatever is, just as it says. Push ups, sit ups, extra DDR, jogging, burpies, anything. Wild card!

Creative Writing
This is easily one of the areas I fell most short in when I added it into round 2, and I'm going to do my absolute best to make sure it does not happen again. It needs little explaining, those who've kept up and read my live journal long enough understand my intentions with this very well. Those who haven't can kick back about 2 and a half weeks worth of entries to my other massive update discussing round 2 and find all the details there. (If anyone actually does this please let me know, I'll send you an autographed picture or something, ya nut <3)

Rock Band Expert Guitar!
Yes. I'm serious. My workout plan involves Rock Band. Expert Guitar, no less. Now that you've quit laughing, please let me explain, you can laugh more afterwards and I'll laugh with you, it'll be a bonding experience. As I discussed I want to build a strong set of skills, and while I know very well that 99.99% of the world could give a shit less how well I play rock band guitar, I still feel very strongly that coordination and rhythm based games provide a tremendous benefit to a skill set that I find desirable, although obscure. And perhaps one day it will lead me to pick up my actual acoustic and learn a few things. Video games have always been an important part of my life, and even more so being GOOD at video games is important to me. Very rarely does a game come along that you can really impress someone with unless they are actively involved in the game themselves, and many of the games out nowadays require little to no skill to become 'good' at. They are a time investment, nothing more and nothing less. And while acquiring any skill is a time investment (yes I'm not dumb, don't argue this with me ._.) something like DDR, Rock Band, or even shooter games, require an active level of involvement and constant effort to truly improve your skill level on. Unlike some other games where you simply become better by being on them longer and longer than someone who has been involved for any significantly less amount of time than you have. Games such as DDR and Rock Band have an appeal to me because even those who know nothing about the game or are very loosely familiar with it can watch you perform on it and be impressed by what you do, or realize that you have put in a significant amount of effort to achieve the level of skill that you have. That is rewarding in a way that satisfies the depths of my soul~ Oooh baby. Oh, and I intend to play for at least 30 minutes a day on expert. Any additional time (hard, etc) doesn't count towards bettering myself. Even though there are still a few solos on hard that whoop my ass. <_>;



That said. I feel like I've written more than enough. The plan begins tomorrow and will last for two weeks, no rest or interruptions. Weight will only be taken on Tuesdays and posted here. Last but not least, let me post the goals before I finish.

The Goals!: To be completed by August 12th!
[ ] Achieve each daily objective!
[ ] Ending weight - 168! The lowest record of my adult life!
[ ] Become much better at Expert Guitar! Woo some people!
[ ] Continue the healthy lifestyle I have been, bowah ha ha ha.

- Alexander

So yesterday is the day my goal would have officially ended had I continued to work the full way through it. The irony in this is that I did not, I stopped about 60% through, and still ended up weighing in at 170 on July 26th, one day ahead of time. Of course since then it's teetered back to 171, but regardless I'm very happy with this. I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to post a new workout goal that will span a two week period, much like my previous two. There will be some changes done however to the way I regulate it and hopefully the results will be bueno.

I haven't been writing here as much lately, largely because I sort of lost the "reason" to do it every day, that bums me out because I really felt like it was a healthy thing to do. Between workout updates, creative writing, and the occasional "here's what's going down" update, I felt like I had a pretty steady stream of writings going. I'm going to start refreshing that again, particularly the creative writing aspect.

As a smaller update about what's been going on, I'm still waiting for Tony to get back from Chicago so I can start working out in Lewisville. Lately as far as games go I've been off of WoW for a few weeks, still working on Rock Band pretty regularly and working on getting back into the Wc3 swing. I finished Act I of MGS4, which was very cool. My only problem with it is I'm not too terribly keen on the gameplay portion, I just really like watching the movies. Aside from that I'm involved in two D&D campaigns right now which are both turning out really well, though the one hosted by Josh is on a short hiatus due to schedule conflicts. *sad*

It's funny, because every time I get on here and start writing I always ended to say so much more...maybe next time?

- Alexander

I want to begin by telling the few people who read this journal how much it means to me to know you all stop by and take the time out of your lives to read about mine. Whenever someone references an entry, or mentions liking something I wrote, or just tells me they stopped by to read it, it seriously brightens my day. It's really easy to feel like I'm just pouring things out into nothingness on this page sometimes, and even if it's only one person it makes it all worthwhile to know that to some small degree, attention is being paid. Thanks a lot everyone.

That said. Sorry I went AWOL for a few days. The last entry was somewhat depressing, I tried to cover it with a slightly upbeat end but accepting defeat is difficult yet something that we all have to do at times. Despite this, I can say that after two days of solid rest, I woke up today with the same extreme energy levels that I had a few weeks ago at the start of my workout and pounded out a really solid thirty minutes of DDR before going to try and repair the sandbag. (It got wet and I'll have to fix it tomorrow) and when I got on the scale this morning I, by some miracle, weighed 171. This does not mean I'm going to take up my goal again, as I have a strong feeling it'll be 172-173 tomorrow morning, and honestly I need more time before I set another die hard workout rampage on myself.

For the time being though, I'm just pursuing what I consider a healthy lifestyle. Eating right, smaller portions, staying somewhat active, and stretching EVERY DAY. I feel great, it's wonderful. On to other things. I'm sure everyone is bored of that high.

I picked up a Sidekick LX yesterday, I love it more than I thought I ever could. The AIM feature on it is everything I've ever wanted in a phone, and it honestly keeps me off the computer a lot since to me my PC (outside of the few games I still play on it) is a glorified AIM machine. A very expensive, glorified, AIM machine. Also, I met Taylor for the first time today, he's a pretty cool guy.

I miss WoW sometimes. Only a little. I'll most likely be suckered in once WotLK comes out.

I'm playing WC3 again, it's a lot of fun. I love the short competitive burst.

I'm getting better on Guitar for Rock Band. Singing with Mike is a whole lot of fun.

I really miss my family.

- Alexander

As much as it pains me to do it, I'm throwing in the towel on this one.

Today I took the day off entirely from my working out, I did no push ups, no cardio, no sit ups, no bike riding, no running, nothing. I was still exhausted throughout the entire day. Life has taken a tremendous toll on me in the past week both emotionally and physically, and I find that in order to perform at the physical level that my routine demands of me I have to be in a serene state of mind. At the very least the other elements of my life must be somewhat at peace to allow me to focus so much energy into a workout like this.

Life just isn't going to let me do that right now.

I spent the majority of my day with an elevated and abnormal heart rate due to the onset of a minor panic attack last night and an overall tremendous load of stress that's been on top of me lately. This, combined with constant exhaustion and weakness in the knees leads me to believe I simply cannot continue this program without risking doing more damage to myself. And regardless, it is almost 100% clear that I will not in any capacity be able to reach my weight goal by July 27th.

This doesn't mean I'm giving up on living a healthier, active lifestyle. Far from it. I'm not a quitter and I never have been. Slacker? Sure I have to bite the bullet for that one, but this is a far cry from "I'm done bring on the fried food and long hours of lethargy." I ate healthy today, and for the most part light. I consumed a lot of food around dinner time at 9PM because I desperately felt like I needed the calories for energy, the past few days I've felt famished. Regardless of this, I still feel I kept myself either under or right at a 2,000 calorie mark. It will be interesting to see how much I weigh tomorrow morning having gone a full day without a workout and eating a regular intake of food.

I'm going to try to continue managing some kind of activity every day. It won't be scheduled and it won't be strict, not until I feel my body can really handle a heavy load of punishment again. In all honesty what I'll probably start doing is a more "regular" routine. The past three weeks have been a constant series of burnout workouts, trying to combine burst exercises with long durations to create a sort of endurance-burst workout that in retrospect was probably a really silly idea. Despite that, while I was in the right state of mind and had the proper conditions surrounding me to achieve those types of extreme goals the payoff was amazing. I will get back there in the near future.

Until then, the two week plan is over, and I admit and accept failure. While I can give reasons, there is no excuse. My body and mind were both too weak to achieve the goal I set for myself, and as a result I have to make it very clear to myself that I have lost this round. Over the next few days I'm going to continue thinking of a new strategy, a new goal, and formulate a new method of attack. This was a loss, but it was only a battle. It certainly was not the war.

- Alexander

Tonight was really interesting, in a fun way. Not like last night, which while interesting ended up being somewhat depressing and a huge letdown of sorts. While I was out riding my bike around the mall I started trying to keep up with the mall security jeep as it rode through the parking lot, and after a bit I think he noticed and started pacing with me, giving just enough gas to keep slightly ahead of me at times while still falling behind every now and then. We did two full circuits around the mall, sometimes I was on the outside lane that encircles the mall and sometimes I'd have to cut through the unlit parking lot itself to catch back up. All in all it was a lot of fun and turned into a great workout.

I completed everything else on my list for the day. Long story short, 30 minutes of gym cardio on the elliptical, hour of bike riding, 200 push ups and 200 sit ups. My knees still felt wobbly and I napped for about two hours today out of exhaustion. Not really sure what's entirely up with that.

My weight also went back up again today to 174, which is concerning and I'm not really sure I can come up with any viable reason for it other than I drank a lot of water last night that may not have left my system entirely by the time I weighed in. Writing about this is actually one of the most difficult things I've had to do lately because it feels like such a tremendous failure, even though I can reason with myself enough to know consciously it isn't. However, a slight slip during a day, or even an entire day of rest is nothing when compared to the feeling of utter failure when I step on the scale and the number actually increases. It's done it two days in a row now, which it never has before, and that's more than enough to cause alarm.

And I even cut out sweet tea! What the hell, bod?

The most concerning thing is that these things are all striking at once, fatigue, knee pain, and regaining of weight. If things don't look better on the scale tomorrow morning I may have to freak! Not really, in all honesty this is kind of expected. I'm at the end of my third week, my initial burst of energy has been completely drained, even the reserve tank I've been running on is low, and I've cut one of my main restorative addictions (sweet tea) so it's only natural that I'm at the proverbial workout wall. That's why I have this journal, that's why I continually remind myself not to quit or get discouraged, that every success should be fuel for my fire, and every failure should be a powerful reminder to overcome whatever beat me.

It all sounds so nice, but it's also unbelievably hard sometimes.

July 20th, 2008. Day Eight!
Weight: 174 lbs. (Further weight fluctuation, unless there's some very rapid reversal my goal is most likely going to be out of reach no matter what I do, short of unhealthy extremes)
Goal: 170 lbs by July 27th.
Accomplishments: 8/8, 100%. Despite success, my weight seems to be acting very strangely.

Food Itemization:
- Teriyaki bowl.
- Sweet n Sour Chicken with steamed rice.
- Unsweet tea.

- Alexander

For all those who've asked about the previous post for today, yes I've cut sweet tea from my diet. While I do love it, and will one day let it return to my life, I felt it was a crutch I just didn't need and it was most likely doing nothing more than slowing my progress. Regular tea is allowed and the taste is something I'm slowly becoming more used to.

I did not repair the sandbag today. I ended up spending $70 today on gas/food so the prospect of spending extra cash was a little daunting. I continued with the heightened cardio, adding an extra DDR session to my usual routine of 30 minutes then doing 200 push ups, 200 sit ups, and biking around the city for a little over an hour. This extra work puts me right on target and more than makes up for the lack of sandbag. (temporary, lack of)

In other news, Casey Kacz and Greg Bussell are asleep downstairs in my apartment. Life sure can be strange.

July 19th, 2008. Day Seven!
Weight: 173 lbs. (First weight fluctuation moving upward since two weeks ago, hopefully it will have returned to 172 tomorrow)
Goal: 170 lbs by July 27th.
Accomplishments: 8/8, 100%. The writing portion of today is incomplete, cut short by the strange events of the evening, but I did do enough to consider it done.

Food Itemization:
- Meatball Sub from Subway
- Unsweet Tea
- 2x Chicken Sandwich from Wendy's

- Alexander

Sweet tea is now banned.

That is all.

- Alexander

The wind blew steadily through the tall grass, bending it to one side and whipping the long strands against one another creating the familiar melody of the fields for all who stood breathlessly around them. They watched with focused, unblinking eyes as the two warriors circled one another slowly, predicting each movement the other made. The cool air of the plains which blew so freely between their battle hardened forms went completely unnoticed as the anticipation between both the young Dragonborn became so tense it felt as though the sky above them could crack open at any moment from the pressure.

Young Ghesh, the brightly yellow colored warrior prodigy of the clan stood before the most seasoned member of their kind, the alpha Dragonborn, Kriv. While they were almost ten years apart in age, the two had grown close to one another as though they were blood brothers, as had most of the males in the clan. They fought together, worked together, ate together, lived together, and at times were forced to kill together. They knew one another so well that each movement they made as they prepared to engage almost seemed like a mirror image, an onlooker might even assume this was some kind of rehearsed dance.

The mirror shattered so suddenly that many of the eldest Dragonborn among the spectators widened their gaze in shock and attempted to catch up with the rapidity of the attacks. Kriv, blue scales shining beneath the orange sun, raised the foot-thick tree branch that served as his weapon for their duel over his shoulder and brought it down with a striking force that split the wind between himself and Ghesh in twain. Despite the speed and accuracy of the strike, Ghesh had instinct on his side and the natural talent that had earned him the title of prodigy among his clan. Knowing the attack was far too quick to react with his own weapon he released the branch to the ground at his feet and thrust his left forearm to the sky overhead and braced his right arm directly behind it to reinforce, catching the trunk against his own scaled flesh and responding with a powerful thrust from his entire massive form against the attack.

The trunk splintered from the impact, shattered bits of bark and wood shot out in all directions and pelted the audience. Not a single one moved. Not a single one drew breath. Ghesh's counterattack was both fluid and instantaneous, with the same momentum he used to destroy Kriv's weapon he made a quick lunge to the opposing Dragonborn's shoulder. This time the element of surprise and the overwhelming shock of what had just happened were on Ghesh's side, and the fight was over all too quickly.

Kriv lay face down in the grass, Ghesh's heavy knee buried in the middle of his back between his monstrous shoulder blades, he was unarmed and unable to move a muscle without fear of the stabbing pain of the hold he found himself in. Kriv took a deep breath and exhaled a plume of frozen air from deep within his lungs that covered the ground beside him in a fine mist of icy crystals. A full minute went by without a word spoken by either of the combatants, the silence permeated through the crowd and spread across the entire plains that stretched for miles around them. Even the wind had stopped.

"The duel is mine, brother." The low rumbling voice carried a hint of endearing affection as Ghesh spoke softly to pinned Dragonborn companion. Despite this kindness, he made no move to weaken his grip or give the notion that he had lowered his guard in any way. To do so would dishonor the fight and shame his opponent.

By now the slow heavy frozen breathing had covered much of the earth around them and a sly grin stretched across Kriv's face, revealing the razor sharp teeth lined with ice within his jaw. "So it seems, so it seems. And well deserved. You fight like there is a caged demon within you, brother. Where that strength and force of will comes from I will never know." He paused and turned his sideways glance to meet Ghesh's piercing stare. "Perhaps I should not want to know, either?"

The tension broke, the air around them seemed to lighten immediately and Ghesh couldn't help but let out a bellowing roar of laughter as he released the grip on his helpless brother. Short bursts of electricity sparked from each thrust of his laughter as he stood up and extended an arm to raise Kriv to his feet once more. The crowd around them slowly applauded and then dispersed without saying a word. There was no need for congratulations or ceremony, there would be plenty of that when the sun had set. For now it was enough to know the clan had found its new champion, and there was much to be done.

(End)

(Note): I wrote this as a geeky little back story to a D&D character I created today named Ghesh Medrash, who is (if you couldn't tell) a yellow Dragonborn warrior. There's a lot more to his story bouncing around in my head and I do plan to post much more of it up here, but for now this is all I felt like putting out and it actually took me a little longer to write than I expected. This is going to be a little work in progress, and gives me a chance to sort of indulge my fantasy-writing skills while basing it off an already created world that I happen to love and enjoy playing in. Looking back, this little bit will probably be revised, but I feel it's a fun little short burst combat scene that gives a bit of an idea of the very (-very-) basic premises of the character; an honorable fighter who thrives in combat and has a natural talent for battle.

I realize that concept is, on the surface, very "blah". But! If you'll give me some time and a few more entries, I think a lot more of the personality and the quirks of the character might interest you as much as it interested me to create him. The next update I do on this (and I do plan on writing other things still so this won't be a daily "Check out the wild adventures of Ghesh!" deal) will deal much more with his clan, his personality, and the 'shocking' decision that will change the rest of his life and lead him into becoming the character that he is on my sheet. ;)

- Alexander

Today marks the death of Sandbag I. He is Sandbag I because as soon as I can get myself over to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy a new pillowcase to layer over the last one that has suddenly been ripped to shreds he will be reborn as Sandbag II. For the time being however he is lost to me, and at first this really bothered me. Then I realized it's probably for the best and I came to a new conclusion...

In the past (almost) three weeks I've bulked up a lot, gotten much stronger, and put on/toned a lot of the muscles in my body. I would like to continue toning and strengthening, but the true aim of my workouts is to tone and lose weight, not to build bulk. I have a strong frame as it is, and I'm not ever going to be a twig-boy, so I've decided that with the death of Sandbag I I'm going to change up a part of my plan to center the workout more around cardio and less around raw weight lifting power.

Sandbag sets will be reduced from 5 to 3 per day, the old amount I was doing for the first two weeks. To make up for this, I am going to implement 30 minutes of heavy jogging every night once the sun has gone down, as well as another 100 push ups completed in the evening. This will help to continue toning me, strengthening my core, while upping my cardio workout and thus burning more calories and shaving off more of the the few remaining extra dead lbs on my body.

That's exactly what I did today, I did an extra 30 minutes (2nd round) of DDR mid-afternoon to make up for the loss of the 3 sets of sandbag that I couldn't do since the bag is currently torn and will spill its sandy guts all over the floor if I move it around too much. I will do my best to mend it by tomorrow. If that plan falls through then at the very least I will continue what is effectively 1 hour of DDR and 30 minutes of jogging to make sure the overall duration and intensity of my physical activity every day is maintained.

In other news, I was 172 this morning, which is excellent news. A few more days to stabilize the weight there and I'm looking at 170 by July 27th as a very real goal. And unbelievably from there it's only 2 lbs from my previous all time low weight.

I am indescribably happy about this. You couldn't possibly understand.

July 18th, 2008. Day Six!
Weight: 172 lbs.
Goal: 170 lbs by July 27th.
Accomplishments: 8/8, 100%. The rest did me a lot of good. Despite losing the sandbag I picked up the cardio and am re-gearing my plan in a new direction mid course that will ultimately be more work with a higher focused payoff.

Food Itemization:
- Grilled Chicken Sammich from ChicFilA.
- Fruit Cup a la ChicFilA.
- Sweet tea sweet tea sweet tea!
- Small cup of leftover homemade spaghetti/meatballs.
- 3 soft tacos from Taco Cabana.

(The list seems a little heavy today, but by the same token I felt the need to eat at each of those junctions and it really is only two meals, the spaghetti was more of a mid-way snack than anything...hrm, gonna have to see how that affects my scale tomorrow)

- Alexander

Given the hurricane of yesterday and the onsetting fatigue from the previous four consecutive workouts accompanied by a very unfortunate turn of events today I was not able to complete my workout routine for Day Five. Writing that actually depresses me, but at the same time I feel it's alright, the work I'm doing is extremely strenuous and I should rest myself every once in a while in order to recuperate and come back strong. Still, I can't help but feel a loss of accomplishment for having not perfected a day, damn perfectionism...

The day wasn't a total loss. I did complete my 100 push ups, my eating was healthy though not on the lightest scale it's been the past few days, and I did somewhere in the neighborhood of 8-10 minutes of jump rope in the night to get my metabolism going before bed. While I did drink copious amounts of sweet tea in the early parts of the day that's nothing out of the ordinary, and my lunch consisted of a very (I do mean very, like almost untouched) serving of spaghetti with grilled chicken (I ate all the chicken, num num) with a small bowl of soup and some bread. Dinner was Teriyaki Chicken with steamed veggies and some white rice from Zenna. As usual, no snacking during the day.

However that still leaves out the Sandbag and 30 minutes of DDR. And anything below 100% might as well be 0% when it comes to this routine. I didn't even bother to weigh myself today.

I'm not trying to make excuses, but a great deal of this has to do with the odd circumstances of my morning, an unexpected trip to Nevada, almost losing my car (again), and having to handle a whole lot of nonsense throughout the day that kept my schedule occupied just enough to never give me the solid 2+ hours I need to complete the main course of my workout. 30 minutes of DDR with push ups and sand bag easily eats an hour and a half, plus rest time and shower time means I easily need two hours to knock the whole gig out.

I'm not going to let this failure get me down too much, I'm also not going to let it go utterly forgiven. It is a failure no matter how I look at it, but that should motivate me to put greater effort in to the remainder of my days and push even harder to achieve my goal.

- Alexander

There won't be any creative writing today. No, I'm not going to count it against my perfect score for the day. No, I don't think it's cheating. I've been so overcome with anger all day that by this point I feel emotionally empty and drained. Anything I would write at this point would only be a vent for more unhealthy and self destructive rage. I'm killing myself enough by pushing my body until it snaps, I'm not going to crush my own soul with angry outbursts.

- Alexander

I was awoken very rudely today. I've spent most of my day in a state of complete rage. I had originally intended today to be total rest and recovery, my body really was just beaten down and drained from all the work of the past three days. Fortunately (?) with the events of the morning, boiling blood and a fire hot temper gave me a surge of energy and moved me to complete my workout regimen.

Rest is for the weak and the old anyway.

I did DDR and a single set of the sandbag back to back, after the first set my body refused to move. I recharged with a bit of sweet tea and came back after some rest to finish the last four sets. Jump rope and sprinting covered the burst. As usual, I did the 100 push ups during DDR time. I'm exhausted right now, it's only 12:30 and I'm already dead tired. It feels good though, every single day I've broken myself down as much as I can. I may have to rest eventually, but until the tempest in me dies down a little, I don't think I really could rest even if I wanted to. Not until I collapse.

It was Tam's birthday today.

July 16th, 2008. Day Four!
Weight: 173 lbs.
Goal: 170 lbs by July 27th.
Accomplishments: 8/8, 100%. I am a shell of what I once was, but this shell is stronger than what I could have ever hoped to be.

Food Itemization:
- Spaghetti with Meatballs For Lunch
- Sweet Tea
- 2x Bean Tacos 1x Chicken Taco For Dinner

- Alexander

Taken by a madness within
There is no way I'm giving in
The fight I've started this time I plan to win.
Struggling with all I've got
Remembering when we last fought
This time may be my one and only shot.
You've kept me down so many years
Through so much pain so many tears
I see no reason
No God damn reason
To go on this way.
I'll cut the bonds that keep us near
Break away from all I fear
I've got no reason
No God damn reason
Left to stay.
You are a cancer in my brain
Upon my soul my darkest stain
And in my life I have to say you're my greatest shame.
So here it is this is where we part
I'll dig the rotten core straight from my heart
And I feel I've got only one thing left to say.

I'm so sorry things turned out this way.

- Alexander